Meet A.F. - A Mental Health and Art Interview
The double-edged sword of creativity when living with PTSD, depression, anxiety and compulsiveness.
Welcome to Create Me Free where I share all of my deep research into and musings about the complex relationship between art and mental health. While I touch on art as therapy and the benefits of creativity, I really dig into the ways that our mental health symptoms can impact our creative process, content, productivity, medium choice, self-perception, and reception by others.
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This is an original interview with an artist who is choosing to share their thoughts anonymized with their initials: A.F. They share how creating art is a compulsion that helps soothe anxiety and PTSD … but also that the symptoms of those conditions have impacted style, productivity, and self-worth as it relates to the business of selling art. My own thoughts and notes are in italics, although most of them will be below the fold for paid subscribers.
What is your background with mental health and art?
“Life-long compulsive artist for personal and professional use. I typically paint, draw or do collage/mixed media, but really just enjoy experimenting with a lot.
First diagnosed with depression as a teenager due to parents concerned by bloody/depressing content of my art. I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD more recently, but have always used art as a sort of therapy/journaling.
Creating art induces a meditative state for me that helps when I am overwhelmed or distressed.
Art for me is also the way I see/perceive things with heightened awareness and focus, not just the process of converting these visions into something physical in order to document these experiences for myself or communicate my emotions to others.”
So intrigued by how the content of art concerned the parents and alerted them to the artist’s depression, but then also this content was a form of self-expression that helped to receive the symptoms of that depression.
In what ways have mental health symptoms affected/impacted/altered the content of your art?
“I have many different styles; it is definitely affected by what mental state I am in.
When upset, my drawings are more shaky and less accurate, even child-like sometimes … maybe due to regression. When I feel more balanced, relaxed and in touch with all my emotions, I am more satisfied with the balance in my composition and color in art.
My imagery is all over the place, from gruesome and dark to pleasant/pretty. I particularly like combining everything as much as possible.”
Definitely makes sense that the mental state affects the drawing. In another post, I looked at how handwriting changes as a result of depression.
In what ways have mental health symptoms affected/impacted/altered the process of your art?
“Because I typically do art compulsively, usually when distressed or procrastinating and do not plan ahead to make art, I will be impulsive with when I add to a piece and what I will add to it, often with unsatisfying results or with materials/mediums that are harmful to the piece or myself (mixing nail polish, oil paint, alcohol, things that should not go together or be breathed in closed places).”
This is the first interview I’ve done with someone who has expressed this particular issue and I want to explore it further in the future. In mania, in particular, there can be impulsiveness and recklessness that could lead to impacting not just the art but the artist as a direct result of their art material choices. Similarly, I could see this in psychosis related to any number of mental health issues.
Any other impacts that immediately come to mind?
“Anxiety can make art feel desperate and unsatisfying sometimes.”
One of the things I have been exploring a lot lately is the way that art can be both the problem and the cure for the problem.
Related to this:
Also related to this:
How does money play into the relationship between art and mental health for you?
My biggest issue in art is selling it due to a sense of self worth that I struggle with. It is difficult for me to place value on my work because my depression makes me feel not valuable.
I have issues with accepting money and asking for money. I used to sell art and now struggle with even trying to do so. I have been focusing on this personal challenge more and more and consider it another issue that is brought to the surface in my art so that I can address it and apply it to other areas of my life I struggle with. I'm also addressing this issue in my relationships.
I am trying to piece together the role that money/business has in the relationship between art and mental health. It’s a tangled ball of yarn … probably because it’s something I haven’t quite figured out for myself, yet, so when I try to explore it in others, I get muddled. But I do know that there’s a relationship here, that it often relates to self-worth … and what I love about this interview is the idea of gently recognizing that the art can bring this important issue to the surface and allow you to work through it which is a wonderful reframe as compared to just being overwhelmed by this aspect of creative living.
The fun stuff ... how has art been therapeutic for you? How has it helped with mental health challenges?
I often feel better after creating art, and sometimes looking back on older works helps me understand myself better or remember important things. Without it I would feel much more cut off from my past and sense of self since I have lost a lot of memory.
The role of memory in art and mental health fascinates me a lot!
Are there any artists I should be studying to learn more about the relationship between art and mental health? Or any books or other resources that come to mind?
Studying symbolism in art, spirituality, Carl Jung kinda concepts have been helpful for deciphering and interpreting my own art.
Anything else?
Art is therapeutic for me and also I believe it is a type of magic.
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Thank you for supporting my work with your Create Me Free subscription. Since you’ve paid, you get all of the bonus content and more of my personal thoughts, too. First, a summary of what we might learn from this article:
Art and Mental Health Takeaways:
Art content can provide signs and clues to what’s going on with our mental health.
Creating art can induce a meditative state.
Mental health symptoms can change the physical properties of any art medium including drawing and handwriting.
Art can be done compulsively as a result of mental health symptoms, potentially causing damage to the art or artist. Artists with mental health symptoms will want to be aware of this propensity in themselves in order to prevent self-harm.
Creating art, keeping it, and looking back on it can help you feel connected to memory and the self, which can be valuable for people with trauma histories and other memory challenges.
As aforementioned, one of the things that I’m looking at a lot right now is how art is neither good nor bad for people with mental health issues but rather it has pros and cons that are, of course, different for everyone. I’m curious about how we feels this compulsion to create, often because it’s a form of catharsis, and yet for all kinds of reasons we also must stop creating sometimes for the benefit of our mental health or simply due to the impact of mental health symptoms … but then stopping creates some kind of blockage that makes mental health worse and starting to create again is the only real cure.
For me personally this … what’s the word? dichotomy? conundrum? … arises most in regards to journal writing. I have shelves and shelves of journals testifying to the fact that I’m a lifelong journaler. And yet, I can’t even begin to tell you how many pages in those journals begin, “it’s been a while since I’ve written …” I have started and not stuck with Morning Pages at least a billion times. I feel better when I’m journaling regularly but there’s a reason I always stop journaling regularly … and a reason I always begin again … and I don’t have answers about this but am working hard to puzzle through it.
What I’m exploring right now is how to see ALL of the creative process as me being creative. In other words, the times when I’m not producing something creative - not writing, not crocheting, not whatever - don’t mean I’m not creating because those times are also a necessary part of the creative process. I have to be careful not to glamorize this, though, because it can easily turn into avoiding creative activity for longer than is mentally healthy for me. It’s an intriguing balance …
And I am in such a confused state when money comes into the mix of all of this. One of my primary goals of this work is to use what I research and write about to help other artists achieve creative, financial, and holistic health balance. This is a goal because it’s what I’m always trying to figure out for myself. If I make a living off of my creativity then how does that impact my relationship with that creativity … and how do changes to the creativity related to my mental health impact my finances … and how do financial stressors impact my mental health and creativity. It’s so jumbled up right now as I emerge from a long period devoted to healing while accruing debt. I’m working on the puzzle, as I think many of us are.
Art and Journal Prompts:
I offer you some creativity prompts that you can use for journaling, creative writing, as a start to an art project, or however you may see fit:
How does your art or writing change when you’re experiencing stress, burnout, or symptoms of mental health challenges?
What does meditation or mindfulness mean to you and how can art assist you in practicing that, if indeed you even want to?
What is the relationship of art to money for you?
What is the relationship of art to memory for you?
Related Tips for Using Creativity to Improve Wellness:
In addition to the above prompts, you might want to try some of these creative activities to help improve mental health:
Set aside some time to look through your old creations. What can you see in them that might reveal something about your mental health? Write down a list of clues because this can help you spot mental health symptoms re-emerging sooner than you might otherwise spot them.
Try intentionally changing your handwriting, drawing, the way you hold a crochet hook, etc. Explore whether doing so impacts your mood in any way.
Celebrate the ways in which your mental health symptoms BENEFIT your art making. Think of one way and create a ritual or routine that celebrates this on a. regular basis.
If you have challenges with finances, personify them by drawing or constructing a Money Monster of your own design. Then destroy it, put it in a box, or have a conversation with it to encourage healing around the relationship between art and money.
Related Tips for Coping with Mental Health Symptoms That Impact Creativity:
Do you have symptoms that are impacting your ability to create? Here are some additional wellness tips:
Write down a list of symptoms that you regularly deal with. Make a list under each symptom of how it negatively impacts your creativity. Write down one or more solutions for that. For example, AF might put bad-for-them art materials in a place that’s harder to access so that there’s a pause between the impulsive desire to create and the potential for self-harm with art chemicals.
Our expenses reflect our priorities. Review your personal budget and find a way to allocate a percentage of your money to your creativity. This reminds yourself at a deep level that you value your own art making.
Affirmations, Quotes, Meditations, Etc.:
Reading or writing affirmations / mantras can be very powerful. A couple of lines directly from AF’s interview that you might want to try using in this way:
“Art is therapeutic for me and it is a type of magic.”
“I often feel better after creating art.”
Additional Resources:
Did you know that there’s such a thing as Creative Compulsive Disorder? And in general a relationship between OCD, compulsivity, and creativity. Some more info:
Podcast Episode: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and the Stress of Creativity
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Thanks for the share